DJ Tyrer, Half-forgotten

Staring intently into the mirror, he took up his brush and began to paint. Slowly, his eyes unfocused and it was as if he was staring through the mirror, gazing at memories, past and present becoming one.
   People had always assumed that he and his sister must be identical twins when they were little, had been unable to believe that one was a boy, the other a girl. Two separate eggs simultaneously fertilised, yet the similarity had been uncanny.
   Of course, the similarity did not remain. He had grown, matured, transformed into a man. She, on the other hand, remained perpetually a child, frozen in photographs and trapped in memory replayed to infinity but never advanced. The reflective surface of the mirror reminded him of the pool in which she had drowned. The first time they had not acted in unison and the final severance of their fates.
   Now, his sister was a half-forgotten memory, forever denied the life that he lived without conviction. Her absence ate away at the secret parts of his soul. Without her, he was only half a being. Without her, all he could do was imagine the might-have-beens that never were. In his dreams, she came to him a faceless figure, an eternal reprimand.
   He had to know: what would his sister have been like, had she lived? That was the question that he was attempting to answer as he painted her portrait, attempting to discern her features hidden amongst his own, attempting to divine her image in his face. Silently, he prayed that he would identify her and, at last, give her the face that she deserved; that she would no longer reproach him in his dreams. He prayed that, on canvas, he could give her the life she had been denied.
-Ends-

*
©DJ Tyrer
19th century photograph by Alexander Gardner

Dewey Edward Chester, The Confession

At each state of his imprisonment, Abdulah knew exactly where he was. Possibly there were differences in air pressure but the room where he had been questioned was high up near the roof.

The cells where the cops had beaten him were below ground level. This present place was underground, too! As deep as they could go.
For a moment he was alone, then the door opened and a cop came in. The door opened again. This time the Police Chief came in carrying something made of wire—–a box basket of some kind.
The Police Chief set it down on a table, but because of his position, Abdulah could not see in it.
“The most feared thing in the world,” the Police Chief warned, “varies from individual to individual: buried alive, death by fire, drowning….even impalement. Some cases are quite trivial, not even fatal.” The police chief had moved to one side so Abdulah could now see the cage on the table. It was an oblong wire cage, with a handle on top for carrying.
Fixed to the front of it was what looked like a fencing mask, with the concave side turned outwards. The cage was divided lengthways into two compartments, and there were slithering creatures inside.
They were snakes!!
“In your case,” said the Police Chief, “your worst fear in the world, is snakes.”
Of course a fear passed through Abdulah when he’d first glimpsed the cage. But now the meaning of the attachment in front of it suddenly sank into his mind. His bowels turned to water. “You can’t do this!” he cried out in a cracked voice. “You can’t!! You just can’t! It’s not fair!”
“Do you remember,” asked the Police Chief calmly, “the panic in your dreams? There was a wall of terror in front of you, a hissing sound behind it. You knew what lay there but you couldn’t say it aloud. It was snakes, Abdulah!”
“Chief!” begged Abdulah. He made an effort to control his voice. “You know this is not necessary. What do you want from me?”
When the Chief spoke, he became academic. He looked into the distance, as though addressing an audience.
“By itself,” he declared, “pain will not convince most Black men. We’ve found they can stand pain to the point of death. But there’s always something else. Something they can’t endure. Courage and cowardice are not involved.
“It is these snakes! Therefore you will do what is required.”
“But what do you want? How can I tell you what I know nothing about?”
The cop picked up the cage and brought it across the room. He set it down on the nearest table.
Abdulah could hear the blood rush into his ears. He was terrified.
In the cage were enormous snakes: a Cobra and a Python. They were the age a snake’s mouth grows wide and dangerous, and their tongues flicked out with lightening speed.
“The snake,” said the cop, still addressing his imaginary audience, “is of the lizard family. You are aware of that?
“In some states, a woman dare not leave her baby alone in a house. The snakes are sure to eat it. They will strip the very bones from a baby.
“Snakes show astonishing intelligence.”
There was an outburst of hisses from the cage. The sound reached Abdulah from far away. The snakes were fighting each other, over him! They were striking at him through their partition.
Abdulah heard a groan of despair. It came from outside of himself.
The cop picked up the cage and, as he did so, pressed something in it. There was a sharp click.
Abdulah tried to tear himself loose from his chair but couldn’t. It was hopeless: every part of him, even his head was immovable because of tied straps.
The Police Chief moved to the cage. “I have pressed the first lever,” he said. “You understand the construction of this cage. The mask will fit over your head, leaving no exit. When I press this other lever, the door of the cage will slide up. These starving brutes will shoot out like bullets. Have you ever seen a snake leap through the air? They leap on your face and bore straight through your eyes.
“Sometimes they burrow through your cheeks to devour your tongue.”
The cage was getting nearer; it was closing in. Abdulah heard shrill hisses in the air above his head. But he fought off panic. To think, to think—–even for a split second. He must make a choice!
Suddenly the foul odor of the snakes had struck his nostrils. There was a violent confusion of nausea inside of him and he nearly lost consciousness. Everything had gone black. For an instant he became an insane, raging animal.
Yet he came out of this blackness clutching a single idea. There was one and only one way to save him. He must put someone else between himself and those snakes. That was his only chance!
The wire door was only a couple of hand-spans from his face. The snakes seemed to know what was coming; they had done this deed before. One of them coiled up to strike. The Cobra puffed up its head and flicked out its tongue. Abdulah could see protruding yellow fangs.
Again the black panic took hold of him. He was blind, helpless, mindless.
“It was common punishment in Japan,” said the police chief.
The mask was closing in on Abdulah’s face. The wire brushed his cheek.
And then….too late, perhaps. Too late! But he suddenly understood to whom he could transfer all of his pain—-the one person he could thrust between himself and these snakes.
And then Abdulah was shouting insanely, over and over: “MY WIFE, PAULA! MY WIFE PAULA IS A WHITE WOMAN! DO IT TO HER! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO HER. TEAR HER WHITE FACE OFF. STRIP HER WHITE SKIN TO THE BONE. BUT PLEASE….PLEASE NOT ME! PAULA! DO IT TO PAULA!”
Abdulah fell backwards, into enormous depths—–away from those awful snakes. He was still strapped in the chair but had fallen through the floor, through the oceans, through the atmosphere—–into outer-space, into the gulfs between the stars—–always away, away, away from those snakes.
He was light-years distant, but the cop was still standing by his side, smiling with satisfaction. There was still that cold touch of wire against Abdulah’s cheek. But through the darkness that enveloped him, he heard another click and knew the cage door was closed.
The public confession of his crime had set him free.

*
©Dewey Edward Chester
photo prisoner 19th cent. anonymous

Bio
Dewey Edward Chester, Ph.D. (eq.), is a Los Angeles Professor of Screenwriting, and the author of “Boomer: Sex, Race and Professional Football.” He is a former professional football player, and was nominated for the prestigious White House Fellowship for Journalism Award, sponsored by President Bill Clinton’s Administration. **Boomer by Dewey Edward Chester is also on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Enjoy the reading, you cannot be indifferent.

Jonathan Pinnock, Room 31


August 12th

• Dispose of nameplate on door.
• Prepare and fit new nameplate. DOUBLECHECK SPELLING.

August 14th

• Hang pictures. Choose from selection provided by next of kin. IF IN DOUBT, CHECK WHETHER PORTRAIT OR LANDSCAPE FIRST.
• Install and tune television.
• Configure television to client’s specification.

August 21st

• Replace two stained carpet tiles next to window.
• Relocate bolts on exterior of door.

August 24th

• Establish whether or not television can be repaired.
• Replace three stained carpet tiles under television.

August 26th

• Remove shards of glass from carpet.
• Dispose of broken picture.
• Take down remaining pictures and put in safekeeping.

August 27th

• Fill hole in wall.
• Repaint over filler.
• Replace carpet with linoleum.
• Secure chair to floor.

August 28th

• Secure bed to floor.
• Remove all other furniture.

August 29th

• Replace broken pane of glass in window.
• Replace bent security bars.

August 30th

• Clean bloodstains off wall.
• Repaint.

September 2nd

• Paint over slogans daubed on wall.
• Replace bent security bars.
• Replace gouged section of linoleum.
• Re-secure chair to floor.
• Fill hole in ceiling.
• Repaint over filler.
• Clean excrement from window.

September 3rd

• Dispose of burnt mattress.
• Repaint throughout.
• Dispose of nameplate on door.

*
©Jonathan Pinnock
Photo Alden Jewell -Creative Commons

Bio

Jonathan Pinnock has had over a hundred stories and poems published in places both illustrious and downright insalubrious. He has also won a few prizes and has had work broadcast on the BBC. His debut novel «Mrs Darcy versus the Aliens» was published by Proxima Books in September 2011, and his Scott Prize-winning debut collection of short stories, «Dot Dash», was published by Salt in November 2012. He blogs at www.jonathanpinnock.com and he tweets as @jonpinnock

Des Donnelly, «watching the tall and the short and the failed» -poetry

Navaho Hand Signals

I detected an amount of Navaho hand signal
creeping into the Queen of England’s waves
this really bothered me
thinking one of us must be imagining things
probably a mixture of Parkinsons and Alzheimers
although she never knew where the kitchen was in the first place
or what day the bins went out
or why she bothered exchanging waves with ordinary people.
The advisors remained smug
satisfied she could never climb over the railings
well, not without inside help
British duplicity always lurking, waiting,
with an arrow for the backs

***

Botched Suicides

I woke up after the attempt
with a straw up my ass.
I knew this seemed strange
almost able to taste right from wrong.
This is the problem with botched suicides
you end up a serious burden
or an easy target for sadistic carers
inserting tubes in the wrong places
for badness or kicks or boredom
meanwhile what is left of your brain
is like a runaway car, all hit or miss
you stand there in a pathetic way
a spastic flailing a broken tennis racket
hoping praying for a connection
with what is left of your intelligence
just enough to ask yourself;
was this smart?

***

The Ghost Of Amadeus

I hear music after switching off the radio
even I know this is not good
my mind filling in the missing bits
that aren’t or may not be there
I think about transcribing what I’m hearing
wondering how to write it down
or will make sense to a non prescient musician
perhaps then I‘d be in business
reborn as the ghost of Amadeus
tidying up my unfinished stuff first
then moving on to the echoes in my soul
not really caring if they liked it or not
content to see the staves filled in
knowing it would outlive current critics
their time always short, just limited to one life,
ask any dead composer or poet.

***

The Riverside Café

in the Riverside café
watching the tall and the short and the failed
an almost genuine bag lady
bent over her trolley protectively
pseudo professional men
with matching ties and shirts
and bags of foolish books
on the fringe the young hard men
with tints in their hair
swaggering in the sun the colour reflected
loud and bellicose in their clump
clearing their footpath with their auras
room to let their heads expand
the gentleman in a funeral black coat
stout shoes clicking and clacking on the tiles
a Victorian kind of formal in his step
and the arm for his companion,
poignant…
like the closing scene in a sad film
slivers of life that cut like glass

©Des Donnelly
photos 19th cent. creative commons


Des Donnelly – Poet, Co Tyrone, Ireland www.drax.ie & www.poet.ie was born in County Tyrone in the North of Ireland in 1955. He hasn’t won anything. Inured to poetry by psychotic Christian Brothers masquerading as teachers he returned to writing poetry in the early 90’s. His work has been published in an anthology of Tyrone poets and online via Right Hand Pointing. He received an award from the Northern Irish Arts Council for a collaboration with textile artist Clare McCarroll. Themes of struggle, woman and god’s ambivalence dominate. His inspiration is often drawn from a single word or a fleeting image that is skewed in some way, that jumps out unbidden, often unwanted. He also writes under the pseudonym ‘Drax’.

Staxtes.com: Introducing “English Wednesdays”

Now hear this:

As from this very day we accept English prose, poetry or essays that consist of anywhere from 50 to 2000 words (of course, word count does not imply to poetry), that will be published here, every Wednesday (to begin with) –pictures are not accepted. A submission guide may, or may not eventually appear in the near future as art carries no certainties -You are nevertheless free to submit your writing and get a prompt response.

Longing and Awating – Awaiting and Longing.
Stratos

*
Photo: Jessie Tarbox Beals (1870 – 1942)
*
Submissions at: stachtes@gmail.com

Antonia-Belica Kubareli, I used to have a name

[English Wednesdays]
 
5.62 […] The world is my world: this is manifest in the fact that the limits of language (of that language which alone I understand) mean the limits of my world. (*)
Have you not known? Emanaevahotdesui.Have you not heard? Emanaevahotdesui. Have you not been told? Emanaevahotdesui.Who makes the Bear, Orion and the Pleiades, who holds the foundations of the earth, who sits above the circle of the earth, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, who opens the chambers of the Sun? Nobody. Not one missing. No one present. Souls on sale.
    Fill the void with indescribability. Voidable void. Unavoidable void. Void. Hug me voidly. Hug me unavoidably. Hug. Me. Emanaevahotdesui. Me. I. Need a hugeous hug. Huge. I. Used. To. Have. A. Name.
    Pull the plug on psyche, unscrew all screws: Emanaevahotdesui. Must go on, must persist, must change. Must. How? Somehow. Now. Emanaevahotdesui. Fragmented syllables carried by the Aegean winds, wisps of ‘s’agapao’, ‘psyche mou’, colourful laughter. Go on. Persist. Change. Always. All ways. All the way. A way. No way. Now way. Own way. Long way. Away. In a way: Emanaevahotdesui. Since I miss you so much, why don’t I dream of you? A mind full of ghosts. You. My beloveds. My lost. My loss. At a loss.
    Family of psychidae. Psyche casta. Taleporia tubulosa. Taleporia means ordeal. Cast the die Emanaevahotdesui. A caterpillar caters for pillars? Emanaevahotdesui: Call my name. Call me names. Call in dreams. Call in any time. Any time. No time. On time. Timelessly. Call. In. Out. Names. Of. Missing. Missed. No name. No use. No more. No. On. Yes. On and on. New lease on life. Re-lease. Lifeless. Speechless. Emotionless. Regardless. Go on. And on. No. Yes.
1-This is not the end – Your words are not my words.
2-This is not the end – My words are not your words.
3-This is not the end – Your words are your world.
4-This is not the end – My words are my world.
5-This is not the end – Your world is not mine.
6-This is not the end – My world is not yours.
7-This is not the end – “I am a word in a foreign language.” Too.

 

   This cannot be the end. Which end? Definitely not. No end. Of-No-Word-Of-No World-Of-No END …
Your life is being diverted. Please, don’t Give Up unless you hear the busy tone. Don’t. Up and upper and uppermost – Give. Up to no end now get a name to own to put on.
Iusedtohaveaname: Emanaevahotdesui…

(*) Job 9:9 “[…] who makes the Bear, Orion and the Pleiades[…]”
Isaiah 40:21-31 “[…]who holds the foundations of the earth, who sits above the circle of the earth, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, who opens the chambers of[…]” 
“I am a word in a foreign language”: A line from Margaret Atwood’s poem: Disembarking at Quebec.

*
©Antonia-Belica Kubareli
Photo: John Kay, Twelve advocates who plead with wigs on (Late 18th – early 19th century)

Willesden Herald, New Short Stories 7

[English Wednesdays]


By Pretend Genius Press

Contents

  •  “Hangman” by Angela Sherlock
  •  “Donor” by Nici West
  •  “The Gift” by Alistair Daniel
  •  “Last Payment” by Anna Lewis
  •  “Rip” by Merryn Glover
  •  “All Its Little Sounds and Silences” by Barnaby Walsh
  •  “Round Fat Moon and Jingling Stars” by Marie Murphy
  •  “Dance Class” by SJ Bradley
  •  “Bolt” by Thomas Morris
  •  “Holidaying with the Megarrys” by Danielle McLaughlin


Contributors (2013)

 
SJ Bradley is a writer from Yorkshire. Her work has been published in various magazines and anthologies, and she was one of Untitled Books’ New Voices of 2011. She is one of the organising party behind Leeds-based DIY writers’ night Fictions of Every Kind, a venture which aims to give support and encouragement to anyone engaged in the lonely act of writing. Her work as a letterpress printer involves keeping the old skills of letterpress alive through practise and salvage. She lives with her partner and cat.
Alistair Daniel lives in Liverpool and teaches creative writing for the Open University. He was short-listed for the 2010 Bridport Prize and his short stories have been published in Narrative, Stand, Untitled Books, The Irish Times and The Stinging Fly. He is completing his first novel, supported by the Arts Council and a Charles Pick Fellowship from the University of East Anglia.
Merryn Glover is Australian, grew up in Nepal, India and Pakistan, and now lives in the Highlands of Scotland. She writes both stories and plays, with work broadcast on Radio 4 and published in a range of journals and newspapers including The Edinburgh Review, Wasafiri and The Guardian. She has recently completed her first novel, set in India.
 
Anna Lewis was born in 1984. In 2010 she won the Orange/Harper’s Bazaar short story competition, and in 2011 was selected by the Hay Festival to take part in the Scritture Giovani short story project. Her debut poetry collection, Other Harbours, was published by Parthian in 2012.
Danielle McLaughlin lives in County Cork, Ireland. Her stories have appeared or are forthcoming in The Long Story Short, The Burning Bush 2, The Stinging Fly, Inktears, Southword, Boyne Berries, Crannóg, Hollybough, on the RTE TEN website, on RTE Radio and in various anthologies. She has won a number of prizes for short fiction including The Writing Spirit Award for Fiction 2010, the From the Well Short Story Competition 2012 and the William Trevor/Elizabeth Bowen International Short Story Competition 2012.
 
Thomas Morris is from Caerphilly, South Wales. He has previously published short fiction in The Irish Times, The Moth, and ETO. In 2012, he received an Emerging Artist Bursary from the Arts Council of Ireland. Currently enrolled in the Creative Writing MA at the University of East Anglia, Thomas is working on a collection of short stories set in Caerphilly, and a novel, Second Best: The Diaries of a Substitute Goalkeeper.
Marie Murphy began to write full-time three years ago. In 2012, she was a finalist in the Novel Fair run by The Irish Writers’ Centre in Dublin. Also in 2012 she was long-listed for the Power’s Short Story Competition. Marie grew up on a farm in north Cork but has worked in England, France and Ireland (chambermaid, waitress, cook, cleaner, lady’s companion, nurse’s assistant.) On qualifying from University College, Cork, (B.A. H. Dip. Ed.) she taught in England and Ireland. Married with three children, she lives in the country in west Cork where she is currently working on a novel of connected short stories.
 
Angela Sherlock has worked in engineering and in education but now lives in Devon where she writes full time. She has published reviews and articles but now concentrates on fiction. Her first novel, The Apple Castle, (as yet unpublished) was long-listed for the Virginia Prize and short-listed for the Hookline Novel Writing Competition. She has published some short stories and is currently working on a novel that draws on the history of Plymouth. Hangman, her second story to be short-listed by Willesden Herald is from her collection, Exports, which explores the Irish Diaspora.
Nici West likes to write short stories and is tying her brain in knots trying to write a novel. She was born in Essex and is making her way up North, currently living in Manchester. She recently completed an MA in Creative Writing from The University of Manchester and spends her days writing, looking after two guinea pigs and producing literature projects.
 
Barnaby Walsh originally studied theoretical physics by mistake, but recently completed his master’s in creative writing at the University of Manchester. He lives up north, in Bolton.
*

Sean Brijbasi, My Collection of Large Nurses

[English Wednesdays]


A pre-publication of Sean Brijbasi’s book “ the dictionary of coincidences volume I (hi)s{e}an?”

***
An elephant is large but not compared to the universe. So when I say I have a collection of large nurses I mean large compared to a stick of dynamite. A small nurse is good but a nurse larger than a stick of dynamite is also good.
     Harald, my first large nurse, specialized in nutrition. He tried to cure me of eating food with my hands. While this had societal benefits I didn’t feel that it benefited me in any way. I still continued to eat food with my hands when it suited me. Harald really wasn’t of any use to me but I found that I couldn’t part with him.
It wasn’t that I had become emotionally attached to him; it was just that the thought of letting him go overwhelmed me with the feeling that to let him go would trigger some existential crisis that presaged the start of my ontological unraveling. So I kept him.
     The second nurse I collected (Philomena) was larger than Harald but she was very light on her feet. I could hardly hear her around the house, which pleased me. She prescribed dill weed to me for my bouts of breath-shortness. We also watched films together while Harald studied his music. Philomena’s favorite film was Invasion of the Body Snatchers, although we watched the occasional sports film from time to time. She didn’t mind crying and sometimes bawled effusively at the slightest perceived sadness. But she never laughed even when I used my greatest jokes on her.
     I continued collecting large nurses—sometimes two at a time—whenever and wherever I could find them. I had a large nurse in my collection who was an expert gardener (fresher dill weed). I had another large nurse who could spackle like a born handyman (useful but ultimately uninspiring).
    It wasn’t until I found Maria that my craving for large nurses ended. Maria was the 23rd large nurse I had collected—the large nurse that was the pinnacle of large nurses. The sui generis, the Ṣalāḥ al-Dīn Yūsuf ibn Ayyūb, the Queen Regent…

My collection of large nurses can walk single file between the spaces of parked cars. 

    Maria was a pediatric nurse—meaning she nursed small children. She wasn’t sure what to do about me as I wasn’t a small child so instead of nursing me she read to me before I fell asleep. After the second night of her reading to me I realized that what I had really been looking for while I was collecting large nurses was a dictionary. I asked Maria if she had a dictionary that she could read to me (she didn’t). Or if she knew someone who had a dictionary that she could read to me (again she didn’t). She listed the alphabet out for me randomly instead and advised me to doodle words that correlated to each letter. That was her prescription? I asked for a diagnosis (things had started to proceed quickly) and she diagnosed inertia.

 

    Should I doodle inertia? Was that her way of dialectically medicating me? But I didn’t doodle inertia.  Instead I doodled industrial-machinery. I asked her if this was her doing but she said that I alone was responsible for my response to inertia and for the first time in months I didn’t think about watching sports films and/or Philomena.

    I went on a doodle frenzy. I doodled ableberry. Zebra-horse. Chromosome. Hide-you-place. I was ebullient (whatever that means). Burble. Jespertine. I was all powerful (I was overcome by a feeling of power). I foreheard the country foghorn before the deep muuuuuur came and emptied all thought from my brain.

    When the foghorn waned my thoughts came back to me and I asked Maria to record my words exactly as I said them to her in some manner that she was good at. She was good at italics.
    “I’m a jingle writer…

*
© Sean Brijbasi
Photo: 19th cent. royalty free – Rectified by Staxtes.com

bio
graphy

Discarded moments. Unfinished gestures. Lived [not lived] in London. Resident of Sweden [no more]. Lives in Washington DC [near]. In East Berlin before the wall fell. In Russia before glasnost. Jazz in Copenhagen. Switchblade in Paris. Lost in Helsinki. Bar fight in Auckland. Awake for 3 straight days in Reykjavik. Bored in Brussels. Green light in Amsterdam. Red light in Hamburg. And more…